Hello blog land! Hope your world is going great and you are staying positive and testing negative(for covid) :)
It's been a long but good week here on the homestead. Anytime we learn something it's a good week!
Today I'm going to write about how we view ourselves and our lives. I had a couple of moments this week that really got me into my head and looking at my own shadows and seeing where I need to improve as a person but still remain true to who I am.
Late last week I commented in a group for homesteaders about gardening, canning, animal husbandry etc...just talking about what we do here. I never expected a response to my comment as in those groups there are so many people you tend to get lost in the shuffle. But, alas! 2 comments! Both were very positive but also made me think...the comment was "you are living my dream and I am so envious". While I don't condone envy at all, I think its one of the most destructive emotions there is it was a comment that taught me something...
I am a person that never feels good enough, you would think by my age I would have grown beyond that but I haven't, 'an area in my life that needs work, its a constant struggle. I grew up being told all the time I was not enough, I was not like my sister, or my cousin or whoever else they could think of at the time...The work I do is ripe with people not making you feel not good enough...Funny how I picked a line of work that makes me feel like my parents did...I digress....so when I saw this comment it stopped me in my tracks and I sat back and realized how ungrateful I am at times...I really do have a good life....I'm not wealthy, I don't have a fancy home, I don't have perfect kids, or anything that is perfect or even sought after by modern society today...so what do I have? I have a life that I love! A life farm man and I worked so hard to build...we have been through so much, yet here we are, living our dream....I have been lost in the all I don't have mentality I have forgotten to look around and see what I do have! I have so much more than most...It brought me to tears... I love my life...I am away from the hustle and bustle of town or city...My world is quiet, it is peaceful, it is serene...it is what we worked to create....I go into town and it exudes negative energy....all are so rushed and hurried...people are hateful and disrespectful....I rush to get back here....my safe place, my solitude, my absolutely beautiful life....It is slow paced, not hurried...it is quiet not filled with mind numbing noises...it is my heaven on earth....sadly, I had/have let all the 'noise' from others over ride my peace...all the negative comments we all hear daily on the tv, or radio...at work...with our friends and especially social media!....it gets in, it gets in our heads and hearts...we must not let it!
The truth is we will never be enough for some...some will never be able to accept who you are...they expect you to meet their expectations of who you should be...Yes! its hurtful to experience that or to hear comments that you are not what someone thinks you should be....the truth is, until someone walks the path and journey you have walked they have no right to judge where you are or how you are. Our creator created us each very unique...we are all unique because we all have a different purpose to fulfill in this life...my purpose is not yours and yours in not mine...I have my very own personal journey to walk, as do you...I am very private person, always have been...It doesn't make me defective in some way just because I don't share intimate details of my job or life with others...It's who I was created to be...I am a very reflective type person...I also feel things deeply..I tend to absorb other peoples energy, so what may not bother you will bother me for weeks at times until I process through the emotions. I have learned people will judge you no matter what...some will judge you in a positive way like the ladies that commented I was living the dream, they will never know how I really needed to hear/read that! It truly made my heart smile..but also snapped me out of dark place I was in...and then you have those that no matter how kind you are, how much you do or don't do it will never be enough, you will never be enough...But always remember who you are...you know why you are the way you are and if you are like me you are most likely working on it....You are under no obligation what so ever to meet the demands of someones expectations of you...unless of course you are are hurting someone else or breaking the law...I'm talking in terms of being WHO YOU ARE as a person...you are free to be an open book, you are free to be reserved, you are free to share whatever you are comfortable sharing with people and what they read into that is on them...I know for a fact people that do that have their own issues...Had a lady a few months ago accused me of not doing something in my job...she was adamant I did not do this thing...I actually laughed as I read her hateful remarks about me on a public forum...why did I laugh....because all she had to do was go check it out, the information was her fingertips...Sadly, though most people like being mean to others because they have serious self esteem issues...it gives them power...it would blow their power trip all to hell if they knew the truth...there have been judgemental people since the rise of mankind and there will be judgmental people until the demise of mankind...but you don't have to let them get you down...Never ever forget who you are....You are a beautiful soul put on this earth, at this time, in this pandemic to be a light....a beacon...someone that will rise above the shit thrown out there....people that are healers, light workers, different, don't fit the mold...we are ok! You are ok! It's ok to be you and its ok to be me....You may be a quiet, contemplative, reflective person or you may be outgoing and share it all or somewhere in between...BUT YOU MATTER and you were put here for a purpose...you have something to offer every person you meet...its up them if they take whatever you gave them and learn from it....you can't force it...Just be you, do you and the rest will fall into place...As you go about your day...remind yourself you are ok, you are worthy, you are needed, you are what the creator created, that is enough and you are so very loved!
Until next time....
Peace, Love and Light