Seek peace

It’s a beautiful morning on the homestead. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to sit outside…it’s just been to hot. Summer is quickly coming to a close and autumn will take its place. I’m not looking forward to summer ending, but I am looking forward to the intense heat being gone.

It’s a quiet morning, my favorite kind! It’s been a busy summer around here…homestead projects,goat kids being born and just the normal homestead daily tasks. 

We are beginning to do fall preparations, buying hay, making sure propane is topped off in the tanks…taking inventory of things we may need to make it through a bad winter if we happen to have one.

Soon the house will be filed with smells of baked goods, breads & pies! I have some tomatoes I need to sauce from the garden but I’ve waited for the heat to die down…I also have some strawberries and blueberries I need to turn into jelly…

This is such a good life…simple, but good. I look around at all the craziness in our world and I’m so grateful to be away from the brunt of it. Out here seems like a different world…it’s quiet, simple and peaceful. My days are slow paced but filled with things that make a difference…I’ve had to learn over the years what things, people and subjects get my attention and which ones don’t. That’s not always an easy decision…I’ve come to the conclusion that the things, people and subjects add benefit to my life they have a spot…if they/it bring chaos, upheaval or disturb my peace I do not hold space for them/it. Life is short! Be happy! Do those things that make you happy. Have people in your life that make you better….enjoy your coffee outside in nature…nature is healing…take a walk, sit under a tree and read a book…just breathe! 

We will all face challenges, life is not perfect no matter where you live…deal with those challenges and then move one, don’t hold a space for anger, hate or bitterness…it will destroy you! Deal with those feeling and then choose peace! Our world is chaotic right now…emotions are high…uncertainty is looming…unplug…take a walk, read a book, journal, be mindful, or just sit in silence…recenter your thoughts…we can still find peace in our soul admist the chaos!

Seek peace,be mindful 

THL

On losing yourself

Today is the day I’m hoping to begin the journey back to reclaiming me.

After spending most of my life in church and being indoctrinated I was totally lost when we left. I had no clue what was right, wrong, up or down. Every friend we had was there. We lost so much. Then I lost my dad and my best friend, then my stepdad...and even a few friends I had outside my church bubble....Somewhere a long the way, I lost me. It was truly my biggest loss!

After my friend passed I was emotionally spent...I had dealt with so much loss in a short time I remember saying I hadn’t been able to deal with one loss before I had another...I made decisions that I might not have other wise made. I was exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally and because of that I made decisions that I might not have made under different circumstances and that was to sell off all my livestock. I was just to tired to care for them and lost interest...depression maybe...

It’s taken me years to really get where I am today...I’ve had to totally relook at my church upbringing and realize I was taught some pretty bizarre things so that’s been interesting but also one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to go through in my life. But, I’ve learned so, so much about myself and lies we believe!

I’ll never get over grieving my family and friends...ever! But I have learned to put it all in perspective and realize it’s ok to continue to live life however I choose. Losing people is hard, so very hard, but it’s also a pathway to looking deep inside yourself and coming to terms with life and loss.

The most devastating loss we can ever endure is the loss of who we are. I’ve tried to find where I belong since leaving church in 2013...I’ve looked for my self in groups online, in my work, in my reading but was still lost and angry...why? Because I was always right here...right here on my land...I simply lost contact and connection...this is where I belong. This is who I am. I love nature, I love gardening, I love critters, I love sitting outside barefoot with my feet in the grass reconnecting with the earth from whence we came! I love herbs.l, I love the old ways, I love Mother Earth and all she gives us!

I no longer subscribed to much of how I was raised. I have found my own spiritual path that I’m happy with. It’s taken years of soul searching but was worth every ounce of energy I spent on figuring it all out. 

I feel all my loved ones that have passed are still here, around me daily. I see them daily in the birds, the butterflies, the breeze. They aren’t gone, they changed form😊

We can somewhat prepare ourselves for losing a loved one. We seem to know deep down that our loved ones will leave us someday. When they are gone, they are gone. We realize they can’t come back. 

You can’t prepare for losing yourself....you never see it coming...it comes slowly and subtly...you wake up one day and realize “you” are gone...and ask where did I go? It so hard because you are still here in physical form but yet you seem to be a shell of your former self. Years of hurt, abuse, lies, loss and pain slowly chip away at who you truly are and are meant to be...it takes years of work in yourself to find you again. One thing I’ve learned is no matter what be true to you! Don’t let someone, anyone tell you how to believe, live or who you should be! You be you! Be true to who you are! You only get one shot to be happy and fulfilled...there are no do-overs....don’t waste precious time trying to live up to other’s expectations or beliefs! It’s simply not worth it.

Love who you are even if others don’t...there will always be someone trying to convince you that you should be different. No! You need to be who the creator created you to be. There is no “right” way to be. Love yourself no matter your age, size, hair color or wrinkles! Love you! All of you! 

I’ll be posting pictures later if my latest adventure! Stay tuned!

Until next time...

Love & Light

Biddies!

 These arrived this morning! It’s been so long since I’ve had chicks...I’m so excited. I miss all the homestead stuff we used to do, I’m hopeful to get back to it over these next few months. Lord knows with the way things are the more self sufficient we can be the better!

Private people

 It’s another beautiful day here, a bit cooler in temps than I like but that’s ok...I have things I can do inside. Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about privacy and private people..private people are so misunderstood. They are often thought of as they have something to hide, they are anti social, maybe mentally ill...most outgoing people just can’t grasp that private people are just that...private! We simply enjoy our own company, we don’t think it necessary to share every aspect our our life with just everyone. Often times however private people have withdrawn due to bad experiences with others. Maybe they were bullied, or as a child they never felt heard so they just figure why speak or share...most are introverts that struggle with to much stimulation around them. They are often misjudged as being stuck up or not friendly. That is rarely the case. Most private introverted people have a lot to say. Most are intelligent and well studied. Why? Well, because we spend a great deal of time in our heads and reading anything we can find on any subject that sparks our interest. Private people find peace in their privacy. They enjoy just existing in peace and quiet and as little drama as possible. When drama does arise for them it’s absolutely horrific...they struggle immensely with getting settled again. Their privacy is their sanctuary. When someone pushes them to share aspects their life it is very off putting. I was told not long ago it was hard to be my friend because I was “closed off”. That really stung and I can’t get those words off my mind. The truth is I am a very loyal friend. I keep what you tell me to myself. I value your privacy as I value mine. I don’t understand why people feel as though you have to share all details of your life to be a friend. When I have tried to open up and discuss what’s important to me I get ignored or glossed over. So that tells me that  person is not someone really wanting to be my friend but to pry and be nosey. I’m not good with  small talk....I like deep meaningful conversation...that’s hard to find in the world we live in...I prefer phone calls to text or private messenging and in our electronic world no one does that much anymore...that’s hard for me too ...I guess when I blog I can put it all out there and feel ok with it. I always ask the “powers that be” to send even one person that needs to read what I write to make them feel better and know they are not alone.  If you read this and can relate feel free to comment and let me know! It’s always nice knowing others get it.

Until Next Time...

Remember it’s ok to be you!

Unplug and find peace

This morning I got up extra early and started my day. It was quiet in the house as I started my coffee. My thoughts were positive and I smiled to myself as I smelled my coffee brewing. I am blessed! As the sun rose so did the dogs so I let them out and it smelled so nice outside, just does my heart good to see the green the grass, the blue sky, to hear the birds singing and my flowers in bloom and smell the earthy smell of springtime. I love my slow paced life and I think I appreciate more this year than I ever have. I had my coffee then ventured out to fill my bird feeders...when it warms a bit more I’ll go sit outside and just enjoy the sunshine. Being outside centers me, it is my home...I think even as a small child I had this odd connection to the outdoors like it’s where I belonged. Amongst the trees there is no judgement, in the woods there is no hate...in nature there is only what is....sitting on the earth there is healing.....it’s just peace...in tune with where you came from...the earth...we are connected...I sit outside barefoot with my feet on the ground, I feel the cool dampness and it awakens my soul with a feeling joy...It grounds me and for that time I am unplugged from all that worries me, all that hurts me, all that brings my heart sadness...I often wish I could stay outside forever in that place...but I can’t, so I enjoy the time I have and carry the peace with me throughout my day...when things bring negativity I often go outside to get away from it...take some time today to be still...to listen to what nature has to say...unplug, sit on the ground barefoot soaking up the sun...be grateful for all that you are and all that you have...and remember YOU are enough!

Until next time...

Love-n-light

You are enough!

 Hello blog land! Hope your world is going great and you are staying positive and testing negative(for covid) :)

It's been a long but good week here on the homestead. Anytime we learn something it's a good week!

Today I'm going to write about how we view ourselves and our lives. I had a couple of moments this week that really got me into my head and looking at my own shadows and seeing where I need to improve as a person but still remain true to who I am.

 

Late last week I commented in a group for homesteaders about gardening, canning, animal husbandry etc...just talking about what we do here. I never expected a response to my comment as in those groups there are so many people you tend to get lost in the shuffle. But, alas! 2 comments! Both were very positive but also made me think...the comment was "you are living my dream and I am so envious". While I don't condone envy at all, I think its one of the most destructive emotions there is it was a comment that taught me something...

I am a person that never feels good enough, you would think by my age I would have grown beyond that but I haven't, 'an area in my life that needs work, its a constant struggle. I grew up being told all the time I was not enough, I was not like my sister, or my cousin or whoever else they could think of at the time...The work I do is ripe with people not making you feel not good enough...Funny how I picked a line of work that makes me feel like my parents did...I digress....so when I saw this comment it stopped me in my tracks and I sat back and realized how ungrateful I am at times...I really do have a good life....I'm not wealthy, I don't have a fancy home, I don't have perfect kids, or anything that is perfect or even sought after by modern society today...so what do I have? I have a life that I love! A life farm man and I worked so hard to build...we have been through so much, yet here we are, living our dream....I have been lost in the all I don't have mentality I have forgotten to look around and see what I do have! I have so much more than most...It brought me to tears... I love my life...I am away from the hustle and bustle of town or city...My world is quiet, it is peaceful, it is serene...it is what we worked to create....I go into town and it exudes negative energy....all are so rushed and hurried...people are hateful and disrespectful....I rush to get back here....my safe place, my solitude, my absolutely beautiful life....It is slow paced, not hurried...it is quiet not filled with mind numbing noises...it is my heaven on earth....sadly, I had/have let all the 'noise' from others over ride my peace...all the negative comments we all hear daily on the tv, or radio...at work...with our friends and especially social media!....it gets in, it gets in our heads and hearts...we must not let it!

The truth is we will never be enough for some...some will never be able to accept who you are...they expect you to meet their expectations of who you should be...Yes! its hurtful to experience that or to hear comments that you are not what someone thinks you should be....the truth is, until someone walks the path and journey you have walked they have no right to judge where you are or how you are. Our creator created us each very unique...we are all unique because we all have a different purpose to fulfill in this life...my purpose is not yours and yours in not mine...I have my very own personal journey to walk, as do you...I am very private person, always have been...It doesn't make me defective in some way just because I don't share intimate details of my job or life with others...It's who I was created to be...I am a very reflective type person...I also feel things deeply..I tend to absorb other peoples energy, so what may not bother you will bother me for weeks at times until I process through the emotions. I have learned people will judge you no matter what...some will judge you in a positive way like the ladies that commented I was living the dream, they will never know how I really needed to hear/read that! It truly made my heart smile..but also snapped me out of dark place I was in...and then you have those that no matter how kind you are, how much you do or don't do it will never be enough, you will never be enough...But always remember who you are...you know why you are the way you are and if you are like me you are most likely working on it....You are under no obligation what so ever to meet the demands of someones expectations of you...unless of course you are are hurting someone else or breaking the law...I'm talking in terms of being WHO YOU ARE as a person...you are free to be an open book, you are free to be reserved, you are free to share whatever you are comfortable sharing with people and what they read into that is on them...I know for a fact people that do that have their own issues...Had a lady a few months ago accused me of not doing something in my job...she was adamant I did not do this thing...I actually laughed as I read her hateful remarks about me on a public forum...why did I laugh....because all she had to do was go check it out, the information was her fingertips...Sadly, though most people like being mean to others because they have serious self esteem issues...it gives them power...it would blow their power trip all to hell if they knew the truth...there have been judgemental people since the rise of mankind and there will be judgmental people until the demise of mankind...but you don't have to let them get you down...Never ever forget who you are....You are a beautiful soul put on this earth, at this time, in this pandemic to be a light....a beacon...someone that will rise above the shit thrown out there....people that are healers, light workers, different, don't fit the mold...we are ok! You are ok! It's ok to be you and its ok to be me....You may be a quiet, contemplative, reflective person or you may be outgoing and share it all or somewhere in between...BUT YOU MATTER and you were put here for a purpose...you have something to offer every person you meet...its up them if they take whatever you gave them and learn from it....you can't force it...Just be you, do you and the rest will fall into place...As you go about your day...remind yourself you are ok, you are worthy, you are needed, you are what the creator created, that is enough and you are so very loved!

Until next time....

Peace, Love and Light