Religious Trauma

WHAT IS RELIGIOUS TRAUMA?

By: CAMHS professionals 

Religious trauma refers to the psychological and emotional harm that an individual experiences as a result of their involvement in a religious or spiritual group or community.

This harm can occur due to a variety of factors, including abuse or manipulation by religious leaders, rigid or dogmatic beliefs, and social isolation or ostracism.

Religious trauma can have a significant impact on an individual's mental health and well-being, leading to symptoms such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and even suicidal thoughts or behaviour.

It can also affect a person's ability to trust others, form healthy relationships, and engage in spiritual or religious practices.

Examples of religious trauma may include experiencing emotional or physical abuse by religious authorities, feeling pressure to conform to strict religious rules or beliefs, being shunned or ostracised by a religious community, or having one's personal beliefs or experiences dismissed or invalidated by others.

It is important to note that not all religious experiences are traumatic, and that many people find comfort, support, and meaning in their religious or spiritual practices.

However, it is also important to recognise and address instances of religious trauma in order to support those who have been harmed and prevent further harm from occurring.

Treatment for religious trauma may involve therapy or counseling to address the emotional and psychological effects of the trauma, as well as support from a community or social network that values inclusivity, respect, and autonomy.

Church Abuse

 

I’ve written several post about my Christian experience. I want to be very clear that I understand not all church experiences are like mine. I understand that if you haven’t experienced what I or millions of others have it’s difficult for you to understand. I am not here to bash your beliefs in God. I am here to educate about this issue.

I write about my personal experience so others that may find their way here know they are not alone. I also write so that those that read here can learn about this very real and detrimental issue. It’s everywhere. Most do not recognize it. Many, many people are sitting under pastors and attending churches that are causing “Religious Trauma”. I’m going to share a bit of information on signs and symptoms of what “Religious Trauma Syndome” entails and how it impacts those suffering. It will also include things about “Stockholm Syndrome”. This is very dear to my heart and I do not want see anyone else hurt by people claiming to live God and do his work! 

What about Stockholm Syndrome?

The Stockholm Syndrome is a strategy of survival in a very, very bad situation.

Perceived threat to one’s physical or psychological survival and the belief that the abuser would carry out the threat …leaving the situation would result in being shunned, “marked to be avoided,” or “counted as dead,” it is almost impossible to escape the situation because the cost is too high.

In order for the Stockholm Syndrome to take effect the following conditions are necessary: One person threatens to kill another and is perceived to be capable of doing so. The victim cannot escape, and her life depends on her captor. The victim is isolated from support, or in the case of hostages, the knowledge that other people are trying to help them. The captor shows kindness as well as violence increasing with the victim's sense of being totally dependent on the captor.

 In my opinion, Christianity is the world's largest case of Stockholm Syndrome. All the pieces are there.

*Christians tell people that God will kill them, or rather, send them to hell, which is even worse. If the person believes in God, then he is certainly perceived as capable of doing this. After all, he's God.

*They are also told that they cannot escape God's judgement, and that everything in life depends on God. The success of this tactic is illustrated by the number of Christians who claim that without God, life has no meaning and is not worth living.

*There is no one to support them except for God. The only other being who might have the power to do so, the Devil, is presented as being powerless, and even worse than God.

At the same time, Christians are quick to point out how good God really is. He only threatens us because we deserve it.

The parallels become especially sick and twisted when we consider the analogy of the Church as God's bride. If that's the case, God has all the earmarks of an abusive husband, and it's no wonder that the cries of his followers sound so much like the cries of a battered wife.

What Is Religious Trauma?

Religious trauma is any trauma that takes place in a religious setting, often through psychological or emotional distress or emotionally manipulative practices.

Religion can play an essential role in a person’s life, and many may find incredible fulfillment in exploring their religious beliefs and practices. Many may also utilize these spiritual beliefs and communities for personal healing.

However, others experience negative religious experiences that can create religious trauma.

What Causes Religious Trauma?

Religious trauma occurs when a religious official or religious community uses a person’s spiritual beliefs against them to impact a person’s actions, decision-making, and well-being.

Causes of religious trauma include:

Using guilt and shame to control behavior

This often occurs in organizations that have strict moral codes and rules.

Strict gender roles

This is especially harmful when it is used to justify discrimination, shaming, or power imbalances between different genders.

Fear-based teaching-Hell

This often occurs through threats of eternal punishment, impending apocalypse, or some kind of spiritual damnation.

Excommunication and shunning

This occurs when “disobedient” members of a faith are isolated from their religious community. Their family and friends may be instructed by religious leaders to cut off contact with them.

Repression of critical thinking

This occurs when religious leaders discourage discussions of questions or critiques.

Physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse

This is often caused by religious leaders taking advantage of their positions of authority.

Is Religious Trauma a Form of PTSD?

Religious trauma can be intimately connected and share many similarities with the development of post-traumatic stress disorder and complex PTSD, or c-PTSD.

This kind of trauma is characterized by prolonged, continuous exposure to traumatic events. Religious trauma syndrome, or RTS, often manifests over a long period, with religious groups slowly affecting a person’s mental health, decision-making, critical thinking, and more.

Signs of Religious Trauma

Religious trauma can affect people differently, and each person will have their own unique experiences with religious trauma.

Individuals and their friends and families should all be aware of potential signs of religious trauma. This can empower each person to identify toxic religious communities and best address RTS with a mental health professional.

What Are Signs of Religious Trauma?

There are various signs that an individual may be experiencing religious trauma or continuing to cope with its prolonged effects. Some symptoms of religious trauma include:

Compulsive perfectionism

Faith crisis or becoming disillusioned with spirituality

Self-hatred, low self-esteem, or compromised self-worth

Constant feelings of shame or guilt

Hypervigilance

A distinct lack of boundaries between personal life and religious communities

Identity confusion, especially among women, LGBTQIA+, and religious minority members

Manifestation of other mental illnesses, such as anxiety disorder, depression, or eating disorders

 What Does an Unhealthy Church Look Like?

Unhealthy or toxic churches or religious institutions can come in many forms, but there are some signs of an unhealthy church that can help an individual begin the healing process.

An unhealthy church may show the following signs:

Focuses on punishment, damnation(hell), guilt, shame, and other negative beliefs about oneself

Has strict, authoritarian, and absolute rules

Causes an individual to feel belittled, or as if their personal worth is less than that of the culture of the church.

Exhibits signs of religious indoctrination-start in childhood many times.

Compromises a person’s sense of personal identity or causes an individual to feel shameful about their identity, especially among members of the LGBTQ+ community.

Cultivates a culture of punishment and external forgiveness rather than personal development or personal spiritual exploration.

Focuses on personal or financial sacrifice to maintain good standing with God or the church.

Gaslighting or manipulating a person’s religious beliefs and sense of self in order to control their behavior

Using religion, scripture, or doctrine to protect otherwise abusive individuals or to facilitate otherwise abusive relationships

Feeling forced to stay in actively harmful situations or relationships based on the approval of spiritual leaders

When a person has been denied the opportunity to make personal decisions due to the pressures of religious figures

Experiencing religious trauma often has long-lasting effects on a person’s mental health, self-worth, beliefs, perspectives, and more. Many of these beliefs can be detrimental and even compromise a person’s emotional, mental, and physical health.

What Are the Long-Term Effects of Religious Trauma?

Religious trauma has lasting effects on an individual, necessitating the need for professional treatment and clinicians to address these effects.

Some of the long-term effects of trauma include:

Pervasive feelings of shame, guilt, and low self-worth

Panic attacks

Flashbacks to specific traumatic experiences or instances of spiritual abuse

Compromised personal relationships, or inability to nurture personal relationships

Difficulty trusting others

Pervasive feelings of hopelessness, especially in combination with guilt, as well as blaming oneself for all negative aspects of life

Depression

Confusion or compromised decision-making skills, especially when outside of the faith community

Dissociation or compromised sense of personal identity

Fear of eternal damnation

Anxiety

Anger

Feelings of isolation, both in regards to a person’s faith as well as isolation from others, even outside of any given religious group

Suicidal ideation

How Does Religious Trauma Affect the Brain?

Some of the ways in which religious trauma affects the brain include:

Emotional, sexual, and social delays, especially when engaging in an unhealthy religious environment from a young age or throughout childhood

Compromised decision-making skills and critical thinking skills, especially outside the context of a religious institution

Low self-esteem or perspective of self-worth

Panic attacks, anxiety, and depression

Trauma of any kind can profoundly affect the brain, affecting a person’s beliefs, perspectives, attitudes, mental health, and much more. Religious trauma and its connection to post-traumatic stress disorder and c-PTSD can have equally as profound effects.

Religious trauma can also inform the development of other mental illnesses and disorders. This includes anything from anxiety disorders and depression to post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, bipolar disorder, social disorders, and even substance use disorder to cope.

Again I want to make clear, I do not believe all churches are toxic. I do believe everyone should earnestly take a look at their situation and examine the practices and doctrines they are being taught. There are very subtle things that can be missed. I think parents need to be engaged in what their children are being taught by others and take a hard look at what they are teaching their own children in the way of eternal damnation(hell).

More later…

THL

The End

You ever think you know someone and find out they are not at all what you thought? That’s a tough one isn’t it!?

Visiting a “friends” Facebook page I saw something that floored me…something childish and in my opinion stupid! I probably shouldn’t have been shocked like I was because I’ve said a million times, you never really know someone…even after years of talking you just never know. People are good at being fake…unfortunately I’m real and tell it how it is and I guess I expect the same, but my expectations and the reality are very different…

Sometimes I just feel very alone…like I’m surrounded by people from another dimension…LOL…there’s just so much I can’t understand these days…lord knows I try..I read, I listen and I try, but in the end I’m just alone…

My hubby gets it, my kids get it..but my extended family…they don’t get it…I have few “friends” and that list is getting smaller…they don’t get it…it’s hard…

Maybe it’s meant to be this way…I’ve always been an independent kinda gal, never fit the status quo, never fit in, always viewed the world through a different lens, don’t follow the crowd just because it’s the popular thing to do…I’ve always been a bit of a loner, thinker, quiet, reserved, observant, don’t speak unless spoken to, lover of deep conversation kinda woman…it’s hard in our loud shallow world…people like me aren’t appreciated, questions aren’t welcome and facts are hated..lol..

We learn to just stay quiet for the most part, unless we are passionate about something then we speak up…usually met by lots of opposition and explanations why we’re wrong…sigh

The shallowness I see in our society these days is astounding…critical thinking skills are all but lost…facts are not important these days(to most)…memes and reels on social media have become news sources…hate & lies are the new fashion statement!

No one likes questions that challenge their beliefs…those that challenge are labeled difficult, argumentative, mean, evil, uneducated, etc…it’s kinda funny because the truth is they don’t have answers, real answers…they just repeat what’s been told to them…and because of that, they have no solid answers and blame the challenger for causing problems.

It’s a real struggle…I know I’m not alone, I just live where I’m surrounded by people different than me…they have a right to live and believe as they see fit…but man! It’s soooooo hard. I feel alone…not lonely necessarily, but I would love to have a friend that could have deep, meaningful conversations about the really important things! A person that cares as much about the state of humanity as I do, that cares about the earth, and is spiritual and not religious, a person I can count on no matter what..a person not offended by my not believing in the god if Christianity…I believe in a higher power, but certainly not the god of Christianity. A person who understands we, as a society are treading on thin ice in a very bad place…our very way of life is at stake! A person that in their heart understands freedom…not just freedom for certain belief systems, but freedom for all to live life and make choices as they deem necessary in their personal lives…is that asking to much? Am I being unreasonable, unrealistic? I don’t think so. 

I’m tired…

Today marks the end of  some things in my life I’ve needed to let go of for a while…the end of a chapter, the end of trying to fit in, the end of pretending to be ok, the end of remaining friends with people I simply cannot relate too, the end of feeling I don’t have a voice…

Starting today, it’s the end…

THL

The winds of change

 The landscape is changing here on the homestead, trees are dropping leaves, flowers are dying back, the garden

has finally quit and temperatures are getting cooler.

As I stare off in the distance I think about how the landscapes of our society is changing. Some good, some bad and some stressful.

We are in a state of discord in our country and it’s quite concerning. I have never seen it like this. It’s worrisome to say the least. We find ourselves staying home more and more and when we do socialize we prefer to stay with likeminded people that we know and trust.

It is coming into a time of rest here in the homestead but I fear a time of societal unrest is coming soon. I truly hope I’m wrong…I’m not sure how we allowed ourselves to get to this place…I have speculation but won’t share here, at least yet. It’s saddens me to see families, long term friendships, neighbors all bickering or no longer speaking over political divide. 

I clearly see where the fault lies, and that is within each of us as an individual. Most cling so tightly to their beliefs  that cannot see what those  beliefs are doing to our country. They cling to their lies, their hatred, their prejudices, their wrongly placed loyalty and will not budge. They will fight to the end…for what? Ever ask yourself that? For want…

What does all this matter at the end of the day? Will the side you choose really give 2 shits about you? Do they even know you exist? The answer is No! So why are we allowing people that don’t even know we exist to shred the fabric of our society? Why? Why are we allowing them to tear apart family’s and friendships? 

For what? What are you gaining? What do you think you’re gaining? 

You should be asking what you are losing! 

Change is inevitable..we need change…there are things going on that are just wrong! Constitutionally, morally and spiritually. You can choose to resist the change and do irreparable damage to yourself, your relationships and your family or you can embrace change and grow as a human being. 

We must remember nothing stays the same, everything and everyone is in a constant state of change…it’s just how it is! Change is never painful it’s the resistance to change that we as humans struggle with. 

I’m ready for change. We need to continue to evolve as a society and as humans. I’m tired of the status quo and the constant judgement of other people. I’m tired of the anger coming from one side or the other, I’m tired of the lies that are only serving to make things worse.

We all must look in the mirror and ask ourselves what part we play in all of this…are you guilty of spreading hate, lies, misinformation? Or are you trying to unite people, find commonality and embrace change for the better?

I know where I am! I want better, I want freedom for all not just ones like me…. I want acceptance of all, not just ones like me. I want to feel free to live my life as I see fit without government interference…I want to be able to make choices best for my life and not have the government tell me what’s best for me! I want peace!

The winds of change are blowing in…unfortunately I am so afraid of what else those winds are stirring up…prepare now!…time is running out!

Until next time..

THL

So much peace

 

The past few days I have felt wonderful…there’s such peace in coming to terms with situations, people and things…finally reaching the understanding who you are, what you believe and what you stand for…being able to share that openly…there’s such freedom in that! It’s not easy because we live in a society where everyone is the same, breaking free from that is hard! Very hard! Speaking your truth takes courage. But it is so freeing!

I know I will face backlash from people, I have for years when I have managed to disagree..I have learned to just agree with them and call it a day…most people are not open to hearing other perspectives once they make up their minds, just how most humans are built I suppose. They would rather cling to their preconceived ideas than admit they might be wrong! I get it…don’t argue…it’s much more peaceful to just agree with them and move on along. 

I regret I did not find myself earlier in life…I spent the best years of my life living a lie…deep down inside I knew it was all a lie but out of fear I clung to it with dear life, hoping someday it would all make sense…I think at some point I had even convinced myself I believed it all…I was miserable for years…for the past 11 years I have studied, read, researched and studied some more…I am secure in my findings….just in past 2 years have I began to really speak up and speak out…it’s not been easy…but my truth is mine and I have the right to speak it just as much as those who disagree. There are others like me trying to find their way…I want to be a beacon of light in their darkness…I want to be their path out of the wilderness of lies and half truths.

We still live in a free country, and I hope it continues.

I have learned many physical ailments can result from living in a state of constant stress, trying to live a life not meant for you, trying to live a lie, trying to people please and be accepted just to have friends…trying to hide and put on a facade as to not appear weird, sinful or bad! 

Life is hard enough as it is…why some groups of people are hell bent on making it harder for some is beyond my comprehension. If it doesn’t effect you, leave it be…leave them be! You do you! 

Somewhere along the course of humanity it became ok to push your personal beliefs on everyone else…it became ok to shame, belittle, harass, condemn and abuse those not like yourself…it’s truly sickening! 

I don’t guess it ever occurred to people that were not all the same nor were we ever meant to be…there are many belief systems in the world and the odds of just one being right and that one just happens to be in the United States…it’s actually laughable! It’s simply not logical!

I’m am so very grateful to see beyond the status quo…to understand diversity and accept people as they are. 

Admittedly I struggle with certain groups, but I do not abuse nor bully them. I do not demand they believe like me or call them names…they are free to choose how they live their life…I just wish they could allow others the same freedom. The old saying…“mind your own business”! Yeah!, do that!

It’s freeing to reach a point that you are no longer bothered by other people’s opinions…I respect them…and will continue to do so until they begin saying I must follow them. You can respect people and disagee. And funny thing is, if you don’t like their choice, you don’t have to choose it! And that’s ok! Move on, choose how you want to live, vote, what religious belief you want to be part of, where you want to live, who you want to love and let others have the same freedoms! We were never meant to be the same! 

I’m so happy I see beyond all the “in the box” thinking…the truth will set you free! I am free indeed! I am so grateful!

Until next time…

THL

Feeling lighter

 I woke this morning feeling much lighter than I have been. I’m a person that seems to feel things very deeply and it’s hard for me to let things go until I work through it…writing helps me do that… so that’s why I started writing again. 

There’s much turmoil in our world these days and people with varying opinions about it all…I find it difficult to navigate. Having so many personalities in one place on social media is hard…at least for me.

I keep a very small circle, I joke and say my circle is so small it’s just a dot..lol…I tend to stay with like minded or mostly like minded individuals…I read, study and listen to other perspectives but when one begins to shove it down my throat I walk away…I huge on facts, truth and keeping it real. So many people today are swayed by delusions and lies. Have no use for that in my life. 

I cleaned house on my Facebook page..I established a personal boundary about what I’m willing to see everyday. I understand people can post whatever they want to post and I’m ok with that, but when it becomes personal or just a way to aggravate I’m not ok with that. And equally I’m allowed to choose not to see things that disturb my peace! And honestly I just simply don’t want to see your bullshit to just be mean…lol…just as someone is free to unfriend me if they don’t want to see mine…the street goes both ways!

Today is a brighter day, and I’m feeling much lighter than previous weeks…I’m ok with others not understanding where I’ve been, what I’m about or how I feel! The important people in my life get it…Those that matter will still be around and those that don’t stick around, don’t matter! 

I will always stand for the broken, the downtrodden, the outcast and hurt…I am of them…life has never been easy for me nor them…and most people  are hell bent on continuing to make it hard…their karma is coming! 

I am a good person but not a nice person…I am kind until the situation warrants otherwise…I don’t live in a fantasy world with make believe characters…I live in the real world where are real issues…it’s hard living in a world where people want to suppress others rights based on their outdated beliefs. But I digress…

Today is a good day! It’s October and my favorite month! Halloween is my favorite holiday and I look forward to celebrating it this entire month with those that are into all things hallloween! Witchy decor, apples, pumpkins, scarecrows, sweaters, hay rides, cauldrons, bonfires, gatherings and all manner of comfort food! 

Enjoy this October!

Until next time…

THL

I walk alone

My path and my journey they are my own

I live it and walk it all alone….

Mine is not yours and yours is not mine

I hope you can accept that with a bit time….

We are all unique in our very own way 

Special and different we are not the same…. 

My path is not easy, seems harder every day

You insist my path should be your way…. 

You tell me I’m wrong yet can’t tell me why

Yet tell I’m going to burn in hell when I die….

My heart hurts from the words that cut painfully deep

From my eyes tears fall my pain does weep…..

The hatred you spew from parted lips do you speak 

The people you cut with words left open to bleed….

Minds shut to understanding, hearts closed to love

Yet you speak and preach of the loving god above….

You seem to not care the horrific pain on others you inflict 

You are oblivious to your own confusion, self lies and conflict….

You judge and demonize those different than you

Yet saying you love all, yet I only see a few….

You love those that follow the way you say is right

And fight those unlike you with all of your might….

You worry about mothers taking unborn lives

Yet you are killing the living with your belief in lies…. 

You kill and condemn with your bible in your hand 

All because someone lives different in our supposed free land….

Freedom means everyone is making the same choices as you

Pounding fist from the pulpit with amens from the pew….

Freedom for to all is to live as they see fit 

Not to live by your rules preached from the pulpit…. 

The relationship is personal I hear them all say

But can’t help but tell you about it day after day….

I just wish they could leave everyone just be

Not everyone wants Christia-nity….

I respect your choices and beliefs that you hold 

But the way you treat others leaves my blood running cold….

You judge and you hate and at every turn condemn

Yet say you are filled with something holy and will pray for them….

Live and let live is the choice that I make 

For it is the right way and the path that I take….

I will not push my personal beliefs upon you 

I will refuse to act self righteous the way that you do….

I understand we are all beautiful in our right

And some are as different as day is to night….

We each have a path and journey of our own

It is for each of us to travel ourselves alone…

Written by me The homestead lady

My heart is heavy

 It’s a gorgeous autumn morning here on the homestead. I’m sitting on my swing enjoying the quiet. I hear the

birds chirping and the occasionally rooster crow. My heart is heavy this morning…

I read something a bit ago that really disturbed my soul. I won’t get into it as the person that posted it is so deep into their belief no amount of talking would sway the belief…but it literally brought me to tears.

Without getting into it all I just want to talk about acceptance…

As I sit here under the trees on my swing I look up and see 3 different kinds of trees…Oak, cherry and hickory…they are all living close to one another all providing shade and homes for wild critters…the oak is not telling the hickory you need to change and be like me because I’m a mighty oak tree and provide acorns…and the hickory is not telling the cherry tree you need to be like me because I provide hickory nuts and the cherry tree is not telling the nut trees they they need to be like her…nope! They just stand tall, proud and beautiful waving their limbs and leaves and being who they are, providing and doin the job they are intended to do…they have stood in these positions many, many years just being who and what they are, side by side, limbs branching out touching one another communicating in their own tree like way…and accepting each for what they are.

My focus turns to my chickens across the yard…I have several varieties of chickens…I watch them for a bit and notice they are just happy…they walk around pecking the ground looking for bugs, pieces of food or grass…the cinnamon queen stands next to the bielefelder and the araucana…they are not telling each other they should be different because one is better…they don’t spend their time bickering about which way is better…one isn’t saying my brown eggs are better than your green eggs or I lay more eggs than you so you should to try and change and be more like me! Nope! They understand their place and who they are. They understand they are different yet needed.

The trees don’t tell the sun to be less bright or the moon to be brighter…the trees don’t don’t tell the ground to grow more or less grass…

Nature is in harmony with itself…nature accepts each and every aspect of itself and respects it. Nature understand it needs all the differences to be effective and efficient.

Humans are quite the contrary…always telling each other how to be, why it’s wrong to be like you are, how you can be different…telling some you are not normal, you are bad, you are disgusting and whatever other derogatory words they can come up with. 

This hurts my heart on such a deep level. I have friends, family,and acquaintances that are gay, lesbian, bi…I have friends that are Christian and non Christian and somewhere in between…

I have friends in cities, towns and on homesteads/farms!

I have friends who have been in jail for minor offenses and some that have stood behind the pulpit!

Guess what! I love and accept them all! I don’t feel it my place nor necessary to demean, demoralize, or make it my job to tell them what horrible people they are and they need Jesus! Ugh! Literally makes me cry!

These people, the outcast, the different ones, the ones society always wants to change…these people have been better to me than any Christian ever has! They are there when I need them without judgement or trying to change me.

When I try to be friends with Christians the judgment is strong…you can feel it…it’s heavy on them…I read them like a book with big bold letters…they wear their condemnation of others like a Scarlett letter! Oh! They try to act all nice and kind, but I see through it…I do not trust them. Open up to them and you will see them for what they are! They begin offering to tell you how Jesus changed them, how Jesus changed this one or that one, they offer up prayers and begin a throwing scripture out to support their view…they eventually get around to the topic of hell and who all gonna go there! All are self righteous full of hate for anyone they don’t understand. The old “people will let you down but keep your eye on Jesus” ones are the worse! Jesus died years ago…ain’t no way to keep my eye on him cause he ain’t here…LOL.

And yes, I guess you can say I’m judging them…I only say these things because I spent 46 years just like them. I am very versed in how they think and believe. It’s taken me years to deconstruct from the brainwashing. I’m still deconstructing. It’s hard being surrounded from all sides by them though. I feel I don’t have a voice amongst them. It’s so hard!

They believe everything is evil and out to destroy their faith..gay people want everyone to be gay and there are secret messages in movies, books and the world in general. Everyone that isn’t a believer is going to burn forever in some hell! It seems everything can send you there! Yet they have no idea that hell is a relatively new concept created by man!

They are oblivious to science and medical proof of anything. It’s truly mind boggling.

My heart literally hurts and I cried this morning reading what the person posted. The agenda is strong. It’s sickening. 

I will always love my fellow man…gay, straight, Buddhist, Wiccan, or witch…if you have a past that’s ok..I won’t tell you, you need Jesus…know why? Because people need a friend. A real life in the flesh friend that they can call and talk to and be treated with decency and respect! I will not offer up prayers that will not help you, I will not quote scripture(though I could), I will just be your friend! I won’t make you feel bad for using adult language, I will not be offended if you drink alcohol or smoke pot…I will simply be your friend. I will be the friend I have always hoped to have…but yet to find!

My heart is heavy today…the hatred I see is overwhelming…I am so very angry…angry at the people that use religion to suppress others…I get mad at myself for allowing these things to bother me so much…I really dislike my sensitivity sometimes…I feel like certain people play with my emotions on purpose and then say it’s God…God, in the way they see it does not exist…he’s man made.

Now, if you are breaking laws of the land we have a problem…if you are a thief, rapist, child molestor, wife beater, meth head or any other thing that goes against the law I will not and do not condone that! 

We have no right to impede on others peoples rights…period! 

Unfortunately in today’s messed up society certain groups feel they have that right based on their agenda and beliefs. 

I just ask, why can’t people just let others be? Leave them alone…quit telling people they are wrong for being who they are…why do you care? Control? Control is always the main agenda…people fear what they don’t understand and to harness that fear, they find ways to control….I feel sorry for you all…I have deep pity for the ignorance…sigh…try to do better!

My heart is so very heavy today…

Until next time..

Thl

That would be my hope

I had a dream last night that was disturbing and I can’t quite shake the sadness I feel this morning…

I dreamt I was in an area with lots of people, the landscape was wooded with a small town but lots of traffic. There was tension rising for the longest time…then all hell broke loose…families turned on each other, friends turned on each other…there was fighting and people throwing stones at one another, people beating each other with sticks…name calling, blaming each other for the troubles, just all manner a chaos. People were beaten and bloody in the streets…there was an energy of hopelessness that permeated the air… I was not involved, it was as if I was able to stand by and just observe…But I was concerned most for the children…the children were terrified watching their parents act this way and a few joined in hurting other children…I look around for a way out, a place of refuge…in the distance, amongst the trees, I saw a place of safety, underground…I was directed there by my intuition, I grabbed some children on my way…when we got there it was clear…no trees, no people, no chaos…. I lifted the dirt covered door and it reminded me of a laundry shoot going down..we all began to pile inside but got stuck and couldn’t go any further…eventually we managed to untangle ourself and get to the safe place…underground was a huge room that was concrete. There were shelves lined with home canned food and other items. Children were playing with toys and giggling while the few women were working on canning items they had. They were doing dishes and some older teenage girls were caring for the younger children. It was so peaceful and you just knew in your soul you were safe.

Bullying, hatefulness nor unkindness was not permitted. If you exhibited those behaviors you were removed from the safe room. 

I have always been one that has been able to interpret dreams, at least my own and sometimes others.

This dream was so accurate to what I’ve been feeling lately.

I do feel as though the landscape of life is changing, but not for better, at least yet. I believe we are at the precipice of absolute and utter chaos…and no one can see it…they are to busy in useless projects…and blaming each other to be able to see their role in it all.

 I think the trees represent road blocks that hinder us from finding our place refuge…I think the road blocks represent political, religion, social media, people we allow in our life…it could be literally anything that hinders our ability to find and maintain peace…

The fighting all around us, literally our life right now…I personally feel I struggle to escape it..my extended family all hold different views than I do and I often feel like I am on the outside looking in with no where to hide. I worry about what children are hearing and seeing from these adults. They are being subtly brainwashed into the same bullshit that their parents believe. 

I found peace amongst the trees, remember the trees represented upheaval …I think this represents finding solace in the chaos and  finally seeing all this for what it is and listening to myself to escape it all…I took some children with me to safety…I often say children live what they see…bullying is horrible right now and it’s because children see it in the home. They see parents calling other parents derogatory names when they have a disagreement, they hear threats of violence…I always feel like someone needs to save the children…children growing up with threats of going to hell if they don’t toe the line and become obedient little soldiers.

Once in our safe place it was wonderful..there was no room for anything hateful, mean or unkind. We were warm fed and accepted. One thing that stood out was the group was very small…I feel that is a very telling…there really are very few truly kind people in the world..they pretend…they are manipulative and liars…they have a motive of some sort …most don’t see it. They post their memes on social media thinking they are showing the world how great they are, yet they never see the division they are causing…I am so grateful I have been given the gift of insight and discernment. I see through it all!

I mentioned getting stuck going down..I really think that speaks to how I and others have felt in life when trying to untangle our belief system and untangle from the beliefs and people that keep us knotted up inside for years…and then eventually we are able to free ourselves and find peace outside the mainstream of society…I think it could also represent how I feel about social media…you get tangled up and it’s hard to get away even though it is detrimental to your mental and emotional health…I often feel stuck as I know others do in this chaos we are living in…it feels as if there is no way out and no place to escape the anger, manipulation, hatefulness, for me personally someone is always wanting to “save me”. They believe I am lost and need saving! I appreciate the sentiment but I’m good…really, I am!

Going underground for safety…honestly it’s how I feel sometimes…and I know many others do as well…we feel as though trying to be authentic to who we are, what we believe or don’t believe must be kept secret from those that are Christians or different from ourselves. The judgement, proselytizing, unkindness is awful…we feel almost threatened daily…sadly what’s really going on is lost on so many. It’s frustrating trying to live in such an environment. 

My dream was telling…it truly does represent the state of our society…of so many people trying just live life as they see fit in a society we thought was free. Free to believe, love, make personal choices and be who you are without threat or fear. 

I have to wonder if those low vibrational people will be left to their own devices, to fight it out, to live a life similar to that of hand maids tale while those vibrating at a higher frequency will move on into a place of love and acceptance…far removed from the confines of control. Controlling how others choose to live and be and simply just are.

That would be my hope…

THL

This simple life

Life on our homestead is simple, slow paced(usually) and just so peaceful. It is where I find my center and solace from the hustle and bustle of every day life. There’s something notalgic about gathering eggs, feeding chickens and milking goats just just does my heart good. Baking and cooking from scratch seems to remind me of a time long lost to my generation. Gardening brings me great joy watching a seed come to fruition and feed my family when that seed matures into a plant producing food…canning what I grow or raise is such great satisfaction knowing I can feed my family through a hard winter or if circumstances ever call for it…

It is a way of life that one can’t describe adequately in words. It’s not easy but so satisfying. We’ve been living this life for almost 25 years. We left the suburbs for a simpler, quieter and more sustainable lifestyle. We have been through quite a lot over the years, but we always persevered and have built our little farm from the ground up. We started with nothing except dirt, rocks and trees! 

It’s taken us years to build what we have and we are extremely proud of it. So much has changed over the years…we have changed over the years. But the one thing that has never changed is our love for this way of life. 

So many life lessons can be learned through this way life…the connection to nature is so strong…you begin to realize how we are all interconnected with nature…I feel

at home when I’m in my garden. I can’t necessarily put it into words but there’s peace I have never felt anywhere else. There is no denying I am in my element as they say when I’m in my garden. 

I’m sad the gardening season has ended but I also understand the cycles of nature and that the mother needs time to rest from her long season of renewal and growth. She needs time to be still.

Just as Mother Earth needs time to be still, so do we…we need a period of rest from the busyness of the productive season. Fall is a time to put up all that you gathered through the spring and summer…winter is a time of slumber…we will rest and be strong for the spring time for the cycle to continue.

There is much to be learned from our ancestors in living by the seasons…each season offers much wisdom to be applied to our lives…to help us grow as humans…

Much of this wisdom has been lost and replaced with a completely different mentality…I fear what will come of the younger generations. 

Rather than connected to nature, they are connected to phones, video games, social media..adults are no different…And I hate to admit it, I am the same…I am working on getting away from social media as far as personally…business wise it is a must at this time. I am not good with all the garbage on social media and it’s frustrating to see the bullying, hate, meanness and misunderstandings you see daily…it literally destroys your peace!

I have turned my focus back to my homestead where my peace is…where I find my balance, my center…where I am not misunderstood. This is my escape from all the noise. 

Our farm animals are my refuge. They give me such joy watching them. The chickens are graceful and beautiful

to watch, the goats are so animated and such soulful animals. I absolutely adore them…we have rabbits but I did not get pictures…next time I will.

I forage our land for edible wild food and medicinal herbs. We have so much here I have been surprised by the amount of edibles and medicinals we have on the acreage. We were led here by the universe for a purpose. We try to fulfil that purpose daily.

I will be spending my time canning and making “medicine” this next few weeks. Thanking the universe for the abundance we have been blessed with!

Until next time,

Peace and love,

THL

We are one

Sitting outside staring out across our little farm I begin to think about the earth and how we are connected. Then I remember not long ago seeing a Facebook post about the “green movement” and how stupid it was from someone that identified as Christian. Here are my thoughts that followed.

If you subscribe to Christianity then you know the “In the beginning” story line…

God(the father) formed man from clay from the earth and breathed life in to him. What’s interesting here is the earth would be the mother…Mother Earth. So Father(god) and Mother(earth) came together and created life(children). 

I ask myself what does a mother do? She nurtures, she takes a house and makes a home, she creates nutritious meals, she takes care of her sick children and provides medicine if needed, she is a place of rest and love. She exudes warmth and caring for her offspring. She is giving and rarely complains how tired she is, she takes care of others even in the face of her own pain…she knows she can’t quit, her children need her.

So I began to think about Mother Earth…she brought forth life, she has provided shelter to her children since the dawn of time, she has provided food, medicine, warmth, she has loved her children with all these things. She has given to us for 1000’s perhaps millions of years. She on occasion gets angry and we are hit with tornadoes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters…kinda like the human mom that goes on a tangent once in awhile when her children make mess after mess…

When I think of this in human terms and ask how many of us would take advantage of our earthly mother. How many would constantly take and take and take from her? How many would expect her to continue to provide everything we need when we never give back? Would we not learn the lessons from her angry outbursts and try to do better to not take advantage of her love and kindness? 

We are a mere extension of god(source, universe) and Mother Earth…to not respect either one is tragic. Christian’s have no issue with crediting god for mankind’s existence yet forget that Mother Earth birthed them and has continued to provide for them throughout the ages.

They bully, make fun of and have no understanding of how or why some of us feel very strongly about our planet, this place we inhabit called home. She is our mother…without her we perish. She is where we came from. It is no accident that humans and the earth share many of the same minerals…because we part of her…she is part of us….we must take care of our earth our mother…without her we cannot be…

Before making fun of people that wish to protect this earth look at how fiercely you defend your god? Why are you so much better? You don’t see many in the “green” movement as you call it making fun of you. You are not superior nor is anyone that believes differently than you.

We cannot continue to use and abuse this planet, our Mother earth and expect her to continue on in any sustainable manner…no more than you could use and abuse your earthly mother and expect her to continue on taking care of you. Eventually she will succumb to the abuse & neglect. 

We have to have respect. I am not part of any “green” movement but I am part of this planet and I respect her. I do use not abuse her. I am mindful when I forage about how much I take, I try to give back by planting herbs, trees and flowers. If we need to clear land we clear only what is needed to sustain us. Most of our acreage is wooded. We do not clear more than needed. We believe in balance in all things. 

I give thanks to our mother for all she gives just like I thank the universe for all it gives. 

Let’s all just do better at respecting others different from you. Maybe if you took the time to listen to those different than you, you would learn something. Would your Christ make fun of someone different? If so that’s not a diety I would want to follow. Christ I have no issue with…it’s the folks that call themselves Christ followers yet show no love nor respect for those different than themselves. 

We just need to do better and be better! 

Just respect others and the beliefs they hold. Some people are just really sensitive souls that understand the world we live in on a very deep level. They/we understand we are not separate from our mother or the universe, they both created human life and both deserve our utmost respect…to make fun of or bully someone different than you is to bully your “brother or sister”. We are all one with each other and the planet! Do better!

Until next time

THL

Now that I have reintroduced myself and explained why I no longer choose to be Christian let’s move on, shall we?!

Our life here on our homestead is one of peace and quiet. We live simply and choose quiet over chaos. We enjoy our  rural life and can’t imagine life any other way. We believe in living as close to nature as we can. I would say myself more-so than my husband. I adore nature and the beauty it holds. 

So many lessons to be learned. The seasons are changing and I sit outside in the morning with my coffe and just admire our little farm. I have been watching the leaves change from brilliant green to shades of amber, orange and brown…the flowers of summer have quickly given way to beautiful foliage of burgundy, golds, and rust colors. Part of me feels sad to see summer go…autumn is a time of letting go in order for Mother Earth to slumber for a time before being renewed in the spring…each year at this time I reflect on what it is I need to let go of…I find it a more suitable time to reassess my life rather than in the new year. I spend time in solitude thinking over what I need to change and let go of…be it a person or persons, an attitude, a belief, or just simply anything that hinders my growth as a human. This past year I have found myself noticing how much hatred and meanness surrounds us all. It’s been difficult for me on social media.  I decided to leave social media at least for a bit, maybe permanently just so I could breathe a bit. It’s difficult to be the odd man/woman out in your circle…it’s hard to feel like you can’t express yourself when everyone around you feels the opposite…it’s hard to grow as an individual when everyone around you has group think mentality  and you know very few around you are not group thinkers. I am blessed to not be a group thinker. I never have been, not even as a small child, I was always different. A friend of mine not long ago during a conversation said to me “you’ve always been different huh? I chuckled and said I guess that’s a nice way to say it…lol…she explained I was unique and it was good…it felt nice to not be looked down for being different. 

I don’t call myself that in a prideful way, it’s made my life hard in lots of ways. I’ve always said if I could just be like others maybe life would be easier. If I could just not question every thing and go with the herd my life would be easier. I enjoy being alone and being by myself because it’s easier than trying to pretend to be like majority. I see to much, I sense to much…and I will call bullshit where I see it…that’s hard for most people. I have been called mean, not nice, rude, to honest, and a myriad of other names…so over the years I just found solitude is far easier. People are comfortable in their group think…I am not! I am always seeking knowledge, understanding and wisdom. I am not a status quo kinda gal. 

So this autumn I am letting go of social media at least for a while until I can regroup, I am going to work on not thinking I need to correct everyone that spreads false information about things online…if it makes them happy to be ignorant so be it! It’s sad but I have heard said ignorance is bliss…maybe that’s how they find their personal peace🤷‍♀️I prefer to understand the world around me and face hard truth that others find difficult to accept…

So as the season changes so will I…I will work on my own shadows and be less concerned with others. It’s hard! 

If you too are struggling with the hostile, less than truthful, gotta be like me, groupthink mentality environment in today’s world know you’re not alone…there are those out there that understand! We feel your suffering! But I also know good will win over evil every single time! Things are changing…people are starting to see things for what they are…we are being elevated and our understanding is getting clearer…the universe is setting aside people for a higher calling, a higher purpose. 

It’s hard..but continue to live mindful, watchful and stay away from the toxic people and toxic discussions we see daily. Do not argue with people intent on misunderstanding you, pushing their agenda, or telling you, you must believe like them in order to be happy, peaceful and fulfilled. Embrace who you are and love who you are! The universe has our backs! 

Until next time..Love & Light

THL

Why we left -pt.2

After trying to talk with the pastor I was left stunned, shocked and absolutely devastated. I seriously had no idea what had prompted such an angry response.

Later that evening his son, the associate pastor called me and acted as if he had no clue what had happened..he said “the lord” laid it on his heart to call…yeah right…this situation was being talked about amongst the church members…I was devastated…I could not stop crying, I couldn’t figure it out and it really felt as if I was going to suffocate from hurt. 

When I ask the associate pastor what I had done his response was sister you need to pray about and god will show you. I told him I had prayed and there was nothing…his response was “you didn’t pray right”…another blow and gaslighting at its finest!

After a few weeks I gave up trying to talk to anyone because no one was forthcoming in exactly what I had done. I finally realized I don’t think I did anything and that’s why no one knew. One lady along with my aunt gossiped and that’s where it started.

Fast forward- it took me from 2013-2020 to really let all that go. No longer feel the hurt, the pain and to quit asking why. 

I have been able to move on study and find my own path. Through my studies I found so many lies I was told all my life. I found the Bible to have many contradictions and when looking into history has been changed many times. I was finally able to let go and move on. It’s not been easy….for years I was terrified of going to hell…afraid I had done something horrific that I didn’t understand.  To do this to a person is absolutely abusive. 

I went to therapy but I was only told to find a good church…LOL….they had no clue about RTS , religious trauma syndrome. It was almost like being tramatized all over again. If I would just find a good church all would be ok…not quite that simple. People that go through what I did, do not need church. We need understanding…we don’t need to hear about your experience, how good god is, how god brought you from the firey pits of hell and delivered you! We know all this…we no longer want to participate. 

When a person goes through spiritual trauma it’s the hardest thing in the world to get through. I lost my sense of identity, who I was. My identity was tied up in church, what I believed, in god…I lost long time friends, family, my routine and schedule was thrown off…my entire life was turned upset side down. You don’t get over that in a day, a month or even a year. There are still days I question why.

Over the years of deep study of Christianity I have realized it’s just not what I believe. To many unanswered questions, to many contradictory things, Christian’s themselves are hateful and mean. They have canned generic answers for every question. If they can’t give you an answer they will begin telling you how they were saved and that’s all you need and become very condescending. They don’t get how a person that really followed god/jesus for years could really walk away. They say you weren’t really saved…how prideful is that to judge another’s salvation…I can tell you with complete certainly I was “saved” and chose to walk away from the faith…if you walk into god grace you can certainly walk out. 

They idolize people, they support things and people that is absolutely against everything Jesus Christ stood for. I don’t get it! They talk out of both sides of their mouth. We don’t believe in adultry , lieing, stealing etc. yet support and endorse people that do all these things and many more…make it make sense. They make excuses that they really don’t support these people but what they stand for! lol…talk about bullshit and ways to twist and tangle up your beliefs to make it make sense in your own head. It’s unbelievable! They stand for blatant sin! They do the very things being taught is wrong! Crazy!

They scream freedom for all, but what they really mean is freedom for all who are Christian’s. 

It took me years to see all this garbage. It angers me…it really does. I still struggle with being preached at or proselytizing. When I see a person/people supporting, aiding and abetting criminals that want to tell me about god and Jesus…lol…take that elsewhere because you clearly aren’t for real. 

Today, I am good! I am happy, content and peaceful. I don’t have a particular belief really. I believe there is a force larger than us, I call it the universe. I believe we can all become enlightened when we let go of all the crap we have been taught and begin at the beginning. I believe people are born blank slates and brainwashing starts early in life in the religious world. It’s terribly sad because there far more peaceful ways to live. I don’t believe in hell where you burn for all eternity. History shows hell was added into the Christian faith as a means of control. I believe that while there is evil in the world, people are mostly good. I believe in loving who you love, be who you are and live life to the fullest. We all have the right to choose our belief system…be a Christian, a Buddhist, be a witch, be whatever path you drawn to…but you do not have the right to tell others to be the same. 

I think the final thing that convinced me to leave the faith was this scripture 

Roman 6-18 years Therefore he has mercy on whom he wills, and whom he will he hardens.  

No matter how much you pray, no matter how right you live according to biblical standard, god can choose at will whether he has mercy on you or you not. So it could all be in vain. This is predestination and you have no free will according to this verse. A horrible human could receive mercy yet a wonderful, loving, Jesus follower could be hardened…yeah, that don’t sit right with me! 

So anyway, that’s an extremely condensed version of my journey to leaving the faith. You can find other details in some of my other post. Look to the right and you see a list of months. I started this blog in 2016 after my dad passed. You can start with December 2016 and read forward. It kinda fills in the blanks a bit.

Toxic Christianity

I see toxic Christians every day on social media. Constantly posting things to cause more division. I ask myself, do they not understand what they doing or do they love the attention the receive? Toxic Christians will manipulate the truth, they use guilt, intimidation and will say, do and post things on social media as emotional appeals. I dealt with toxic Christians for years, I see them a mile away no matter how they try and twist what they say and do! 

When Christianity Becomes Toxic ‘Christianism’

 By David Gushee

Many people appear baffled about the hard-right turn in U.S. conservative religion.

It’s not just a turn to politics, or to hard-right politics, that is problematic. It is the apparent amorality, the cruelty, bigotry and snarling spirit that is so impossible to reconcile with the Spirit of Christ.

It’s the nasty cast of characters who are most associated with “Christians” in politics today, including (just for a start, the list is endless) the rogue’s gallery of Florida Republican Congressman Matt Gaetz, Georgia Republican Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, Colorado Republican Congresswoman Lauren Boebert, Pennsylvania Republican gubernatorial candidate and election-denier Doug Mastriano, the supposedly newly converted Trump dirty trickster/pardoned criminal Roger Stone, and of course Donald J. Trump his very own self.

It’s the way the crowds at the rallies of these people eat up the toxic red meat these figures throw to them. Christians used to be the victims in the Roman Colosseum. These “Christians” are more like the Roman leaders and their debased crowds, baying for blood.

“These ‘Christians’ are more like the Roman leaders and their debased crowds, baying for blood.”

The debasement of U.S. right-wing Christianity is only baffling to those who have been exposed to a different understanding of what being a Christian is supposed to be about. You know, old-timers like me, who walked uninvited into a Southern Baptist church building in 1978 looking for something I did not know how to name, but whose name turned out to be Jesus Christ.

Over a four-day conversion experience, I learned enough from and through devout Christian people to be led into an encounter with Jesus himself. I was exposed to people whose demeanor was gentle, whose speech was clean and kind, whose integrity turned out to be rock solid, whose moral plumbline was the instruction offered in the New Testament, whose life purpose was to follow Jesus, and whose mission was to share the gospel with others. These were the people who led me to faith in Christ and who discipled me at the early stages of my walk with Jesus. They were not perfect. But they were recognizably and seriously Christian.

There were other versions of old-time, pre-Trump Christianity that I might not have liked as much but that were still very different from the cancerous thing that is spreading among white conservative Christians in America today. I was exposed to these other varieties as well. There was the smart, humane, post-Vatican II Catholicism in which I was raised, the charismatic Anglicanism of a girl I dated, the earnest social-service mainline Methodism of some friends of my parents, the doctrinaire Lutheranism of a few folks I knew, the passionate Black church faith of some of my friends from school.

Even the handful of proto-Christian Right types I met at my own church still were playing by the same faith rules as everyone else there. I remember when a woman from church asked me to be a bit actor in a film called “Can Soviet Imperialism Be Stopped?” (Will someone please find this film, in which young David Gushee, dressed as a Soviet soldier, menacingly pours red paint over a globe? Thank you.) This woman was a serious Cold War Republican who worked hard to get Ronald Reagan elected. But she — and her organization — bore no resemblance to the debased freak show we are now seeing wrapped in the banner of Jesus.

“There is no single version of Christianity or any religion.”

Here is what I have learned: There is no single version of Christianity or any religion. A religious tradition is like any other living thing — it is organic, dynamic and changeable. It can grow healthier or sicker. It can become more like, or less like, or completely unlike, its founder, spirit and original vision.

There are many names for what has become of this era’s right-wing white American Christianity. The most commonly used is (white) Christian nationalism. Some are going with Christian right-wing populism. Some are calling it imposter Christianity. Others call it Christofascism. I have been tempted to call it “Christianism,” like the way the term “Islamism” was used to separate radicalized terrorist movements from mainstream Islam.

In the manuscript for a book I will be calling Defending Democracy from Its Christian Enemies, I settle on “authoritarian reactionary Christianity” as my main label, although this book and label focus mainly on the anti-democratic dimension of this movement.

Whatever we call it, anyone who has any understanding of and commitment to a healthier, recognizably Christ-following version of Christianity must fight hard for the integrity and survival of such faith — and for the excising of the cancer that is overtaking Christianity in this country today.

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I do try!

Learning to stay quiet is my biggest problem!  Most days I feel surrounded with less than intelligent people with no way out! Maybe it’s kinda like when you stink you don’t know you stink you can’t smell yourself…I guess when your not overly smart you don’t realize it, you just regurgitate what someone tells you and think your smart! You just follow along doing what your told believing what your told! Maybe it’s better than critical thinking skills🤷‍♀️